Question 106

Do you remember any special feelings you had as a child? (fears, joy, embarrassment)

It took me awhile to post as this was the question I drew days ago, I just wasn't sure I wanted my "stuff" out there .... but I decided if other's find amusement in using what I write to hurt me so be it... other's can really only hurt you if you let them.. if you care what they think.  On that note:

I don't have a lot of memory of my childhood, I never thought much about it until other's talked about their early years and I often wondered why I couldn't remember mine.  It was because of the trauma I went through as a child. Working in therapy for many years memories began to come back .. bits and pieces ... good and bad.  To answer this question honestly I would be really put myself out there.  I had many fears, I feared my father.  I feared him coming home or after the divorce the weekends with him.  I did have some joy in my childhood but that is also cloudy.

I remember one Christmas my mom said "we won't have much of a Christmas this year"  I don't remember if I cared or not.  I do remember going to see Santa and telling him it was okay that he wasn't going to bring me anything because I was bad (I wasn't really bad but I thought I was LONG STORY)  but Christmas morning my sister woke me up and said "Santa did come"  We ran down the stairs and there were so many presents.  (My mother wasn't playing a joke on us... she didn't have much to give.  But I guess she ended up getting a bonus at work or something.) When we opened gifts from her there wasn't much... but we got a load of presents from Santa. The thing I remember the most was a little vanity with a mirror and the chair opened up.  I was thrilled.  Of coarse at the time I believed mom didn't get us much which I was okay with... but when I think back now she did it .. she gave us all that stuff.  Maybe I should call my mom and thank you for being Santa all those years! It's tough I know ..when money is tight and Santa gets the credit for the good stuff.  LOL.  Or years even Santa gives crap.  I wonder if my little ones think they have been bad... Okay I have to call mom then the kids! :)

Well if you've been here before you know to leave your answers in the comment section or if you prefer put them in your own journal but remember to leave a link.  If you are NEW here let me know and link your journal no matter where you answer.