What a question for right now! haha.
Well, I've been married a few times. And I've learned a lot from a few of those. I'd say you have to get married for the RIGHT reasons (whatever they are) My first marriage I learned, not to get married too young. Our hearts and minds don't really go together when you're 18...I didn't really know what I wanted and as I "grew up" we grew apart. Marriage two I learned, that even if you THINK you know someone getting married can change them (I think it changes everyone to a degree) but this guy went phsyco. We lived together for a year before we married. He hit me for the first time on our wedding night. So you can't judge a book by the cover. Also I learned Do NOT GET MARRIED while you are drunk! You may like the wedding, but what comes after is LIFE and getting married because you've been drinking and it sounds like such a "cool" idea is not the way to start a life. I do know marriage is sacred and although I've been married "so many" times... if I do marry again it will be because he is the person I'm supposed to be with. I think I'll know when it's right ... I sure know when it's wrong.
I like the idea of marriage in general (obviously or I wouldn't have tried it so many times) but it has to be a two way street, there has to be not only love but faith, trust, respect and most important it has to be for each other... not ourselves. A marriage is TWO becoming one.... yet staying individuals. If I'm not willing to be all there is to marriage, then I'm not ready to be really married.
Weddings Now I love them... Always a bride never a bridesmaid LOL kidding.
I guess over all, marriage is whatever a person makes it to be. If you want marriage then your marriage will work. I do think I gave up too easily at times. Like throwing in the towel and running. NOT good. So we'll see where life takes me now, alone or together.
** You know the drill... you can answer in the comment sections, or your own journal. If you are answering in your own journal please link your entry below so everyone can enjoy your writing! **
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Donnie at My Little Journal Jar
Erica at EricaLynn: Shutterbabe Extraordinaire
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Kendra at Motomom
Beckie at Beckie's Bright Beginnings
Sara at Animated Seasons
29 comments:
What can I say, I`ve only been married the one time and I`m STILL married after 32 yrs. Have I done something wrong here? LOL Sandra xxx
I answered it in my journal................
You're pretty candid! I'm wondering just exactly how many times you tired?
I am married and it isn`t easy! Nor is it neccesarily happily ever after. I do beleive marriage can be a good thing, it takes alot of work!
Great thoughts! Here is my link: http://journals.aol.com/beckieramos/BeckiesBrightBeginnings
HI PROMISE MY LINK TO YOUR JOURNAL JAR HAS CHANGED FROM
COURTENAYS CALLING CARD TO http://journals.aol.com/courtenaymphelan/COURTENAYSCANISTER/
AGAIN! WHAT PEOPLE CAN GAIN FROM READING THESE COMMENTS OF YOURS!
Pearsonally I could care less on bieng married.
I use to but It got unimportant after my first marrige faild after only 6 mounths .
I use to think I wanted to get married aging ,but after 8 years of bieng with this peorson and him avoiding it I have alll together just gave up ..
What is marrige anyways ?
I guess Evrything I thought it was
Just wasnt .
THere is my Idea of marrige !!
Tabitha
tough question, but here's mine...~*Annie*~
http://journals.aol.com/neemom1977/MyJournalJar/entries/1192
Wow just discovered your Journal Jar!!! Love it!!!! I gave up on my marriage too easily..... I have discovered marriage is all about when you are ready to give more and not take as much. If you are still exploring, and discovering and need the freedom and not the responsiblity of commitments and are not ready to accept your personal plans taking a detour from time to time.. stay single and come and go as you please. Getting married because you are lonely isn't a good enough reason.
Marriage is not for everybody. It takes alot of work. And if your not willing to put your all into it, then you might as well stay single.
Marriage isnt a solution. Its an on going process.
tough question for a really tough point in my life. my parents have been happily married, there are very few divorces in my family- so i went into marriage with a very idealistic view- it is not at all what i though it would be. i have lost so much of myself along the way- i took the two shall become one quite literally- this is not a blame thing here- no one can take anything from someone else unless you let that happen. i am very disappointed in marriage- mine is on the brink of destruction. it is such hard work and i just dont think i have the strength to go on-i know for sure that things cant go on the way they are or i will disappear completely and i do really care about this man and i dont want to grow to hate him. i really want to believe in marriage, but right now i feel so lost and so very tired.
Just a little late :)
http://www.blogigo.co.uk/MattelMichele/entry/31916
Mucho Grande Hugs!
-Michele
Get married again huh??? Well since I'm still head over heels in love with my current husband who happens to be my only husband, and because I believe if you marry the right one the first time.... it lasts forever. But........lol....... I wouldn't get married again......I'd just prefer to be a kept woman! lmaoooooooo
Well, I am into my second marriage-19 years worth. My first marriage lasted 6 years. We were both 18 when we married--waaayyy tooo young to marry. Neither of us knew what it meant to be an adult, much less be married. This marriage-the one I am in now has taken alot of work to keep together. We were both fresh out of a divorce when we met, and married 2 months later. BIG MISTAKE! We should have waited at least a year or two. But, we have managed-through the grace of GOD to stay together. No joke-if it had not been for God in our lives, we would not be together now. I would encourage anyone contemplating marriage to seek good Christian counseling beforehand. Also, if you are fresh out of high school, I would encourage you to wait at least a year before you embark on this "life-long" journey. Really! You should see "the real world" and how it works first before you try to keep a relationship together. See if you can keep a job together first.
Thank you, and God Bless!
Penny
PNEJO115@aol.com
Been married a few times myself, I am happy to know I am not the only one who has done it more than once. Thanks I feel better.
Terra
I believe Marriage is like a rollar coaster ride.... High Highs and Low Lows.... the secret is to just stay on the ride because if you get off ... you'll just find a different rollar coaster to ride... with high highs and low lows... and if you stay on that ride... life is so sweet with him after the storm passes :)
Hugs, Kendra
If I learned one thing from my mom, it was to not rush into marriage. I saw her three marriages end in divorces, and I did not want to ever go through that. So I vowed to wait as long as possible to get married. I met my husband when I was 28, and he was 34. He was a bachelor, also waiting a long time to get married. When I got pregnant, we decided to get married. We would still be together if I had not gotten pregnant, but I doubt we would be married. We are both so glad we waited. We lived our lives on our terms, sowed our oats, and grew into the people we are now. I think the most important part of marriage is compromise. And if you have an argument, always say you're sorry and patch things up before the sun sets. In other words, never go to bed angry at each other.
Hi. I think we have a lot in common. I can relate to your journal comments about being tired of trying to make everything work. Mostly, I really hear your sadness. I know how it feels to almost put your arms up in the air and scream, "That's it! I've had enough!"
How are you keeping it together? My husband and I are 21 years apart. We have only been married for 7 months but have dated for the past 5 years. There is so much frustration between us that fighting is inevitable. The arguments are so heated. The apologies and constant cycle of "stop gap measures" just cripple me. I am physically and emotionally so tired of trying to make it work. I have asked him about divorce and separating. He accuses me of not sticking things out, "for better or for worse." I hate the feeling of having the fault line run straight through my heart. He emotionally abuses me and apologizes later. I don't do that because I know how it hurts inside and doesn't go away. I have more of a, "flight" than "fight," strategy now than ever before. He accuses me of just leaving and walking away when I ask for space and time. I don't think I'll ever be able to leave or fix things. It's amazing how destructing me became after we decided to get married. It was almost better before anything serious came up. We don't have children. I'm 28 and he's 49. He has a son already who is 23. I want to have kids but he doesn't, really. I knew before marrying him that it would probably never be but the closer I get to 30 the baby thing just keeps pressing in my own heart. I know it's not a reason to end our relationship. It's just another irritating factor that keeps us separated. We even sleep in separate bedrooms. He is like a roommate. So sad.
Marriage is so hard. How do we compromise?
Been down that road a few times myself.
http://journals.aol.com/csandhollow/CelestesJournalJar/entries/371
Wow, I am really fortunate in this area because I married my friend and someone who loves me for me and that speaks volumes believe me. He is like breathing to me. I also feel you should be careful what you wish for you just may get it, fortunately for me it was in my favor, lol. I had a friend who was teasing my future husband at that time about getting him to take her to the prom (now I didn't really know him at this point and had barely spoken to him other than some polite banter) to which I blurted out "that's fine, he can take you to the prom because he is going to marry me one day" WOW, ha ha. We even quit talking for about a year after we graduated high school and then sure enough gravitated right back to each other and got married at 21, still married having our anniversary on the 9th of May, eight years, yes we had our daughter before the marriage, we did things a little backwards, we got confused, lol.
My husband is EXTREMELY mechanically inclined, thank God so I haven't ever had issues seeing how I have known him since I have owned cars, lol. I did have a seat in my second to last car (drivers at that, go figure) that would not lock into position so if you hit the gas, you flew into the backseat and if you hit the break you slammed into the steering wheel and took a bite!! lol. So there I was driving around town sliding back and forth, roflmao now. Can you imagine what the people on the roads were thinking. Look at that crazy B over there honey, meanwhile I am laughing like a maniac, hurting like hell from the constant whiplash, chest contusions, head concussions and everything else people started at me like I was a total job!! ha.
WOW! I knew that I was really enjoying the jar, and I look forward to reading the next question and answering it. What I didn't realize was that I am not only getting enjoyment out of this, but it is also very theraputic. This question especially. I can't wait to move on to the next question, and the next, and the next, and the next. LOL
~Stephanie~
http://journals.aol.com/unicornsteph80/Welcometomylife/entries/341
I love it! It took me a longgggg time to find a keeper.
Love my marriage! We're celebrating our 18th anniversary!
Lori
http://journals.aol.com/helmswondermom/LorisJournalJar/entries/351
http://journals.aol.com/danielled1/DaniellesJournalJar/entries/648
~Danielle
my comment to this entry is real simple, any one who has been married and divorced as many times as this woman should get some professional help first and for most . i think a woman that has been married several times may need to find out what is wrong with you and why do you feel like marrige is the answer, sounds to me like you need to find out who you are first before you get married and then maybe you would not be divorced as many times as you have. you might want to think about this, marrige may not be for you, if i were you i would enjoy being happy by myself than unhappy with some man. " get a life"
I feel that marriage is a lifelong commitment, for better or worse...Unfortunately the first time I did it....it ended in death...taking the vow till death do us part seriously....I was only 32 years old, and he was 37........Now...I remarried less than a year later.and this marriage is a daily struggle to make work....I dont know if we married out of lonliness as his "wife" died of cancer also...and we were searching for happiness again and maybe parents for our kids...we now have 7 together....having 2 of our own also....
I want my marriage to work out, I do all I can on a daily basis...sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt and when we fight....we really FIGHT!
I dont think most marriages today really try to make it work..when things get tough they run and just divorce and try again....To me that is wrong...Marriage to me is a sacred thing and should be treated as such...If you do it..you stick to it...and you make it work...and if you cant then you deal with it...and do your best to be happy .......Marriage is a joint effort and I believe any marriage can be fixed if both couples really want it to.....
http://journals.aol.com/quartrlyfecrysis/andthensome/entries/301
xoxo~Bernadette
http://journals.aol.com/devilletteinme/the-devilettes-journal-jar/entries/2006/11/18/marriage-again/546
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